Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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