when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
