she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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