12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
