Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
