She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
