I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
