I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
