before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
