I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
