He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
