Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
