how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
