I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
