dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
