I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
We left the knife in your bed.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
