You smell like stripper and shame
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Randomize
