I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
