I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
