Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
