My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
