I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
