i jhust puked up my retainher.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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