Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
