Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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