i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
