can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
