My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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