Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
