Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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