I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
