I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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