After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
