Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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