just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
