I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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