i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
