Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
