so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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