I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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