Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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