He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
