last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
