This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
