Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It's official drugs can't kill me
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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