just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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