thus making me awesome and them whores
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
