I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
