i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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