some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
